What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
