there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
