Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
