So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have feelings that need drinking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
