Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
