So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
