Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
