I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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