the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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