I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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