dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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