you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize