Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She even gives head with a lisp.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
