I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
