I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
