Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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