U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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