he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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