dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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