Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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