i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
