can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
