don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
