ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I love you. Go after that dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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