The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
