Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
