i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
