She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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