i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize