I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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