There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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