I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
