Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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