I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
