I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
