dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
