Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
