She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
