I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
