In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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