i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
