I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
