I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
