we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
