I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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