Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
