i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize