You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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