textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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