Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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